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The DAiLY LiES 'n' TiTS!

THERESA MAY’S BRAZEN BOOTY BAN BUST-UP!
Horny MP Pleasures Herself
In My Hubby’s Mondeo
http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20161108/3846c8d8b096113cf1fd664be917256a.jpg
THAT’S why she’s BANNED
from the Trumpington Park & Ride Car Boot Sale!
HAPLESS THERESA MAY’s refusal to appear on live TV debates was followed by YET ANOTHER blow last night when the Tory leader was sensationally BANNED from a prestigious PARK & RIDE car BOOTY!
Heidi Buttileg, fishwife and treasurer of the Trumpington Park & Ride site, claimed the highly-sexed 60-year-old HARD-RIGHT capitalist broke strict car boot sale etiquette by frigging herself in the back of her partner’s 1997 Diesel Ford Mondeo Estate.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bd/1997_Ford_Mondeo_1.8_LX_Estate_%2815293525877%29.jpg
Chaos
Heidi raged: “Without rules society descends into chaos!
“And this bloody difficult May person broke a central tenet of the licenced Car Boot sellers’ code – no clitoral stimulation allowed in Mondeo Estates. There’s plenty of room in a Corsa, for Pete’s sake!
Heide explained that Theresa May rocked up at the local treasury committee meeting in a leopard ski bra and panties and platinum-pointed shoes. She said: “This horny middle-aged Tory came up and said she’d been trying out several locations across the county but would like the use of our boot sale to pleasure herself in full sight of elderly Sunday morning bargain hunters.
Pitch
“She didn’t look like the Prime Minister and she had a broad Mancunian accent but Piers, my partner, said he was sure it was her – only without the pudding-bowl head girl bob and less posh.
“I said that she couldn’t loiter in her lingerie and we’d sort her out a pitch later. But I explained to her on no account was she to splash quim juice all over the Mondeo!
“It’s a classic, a 1997 diesel that’s still in perfect nick. Piers cleans the interior every week, but fanny batter plays havoc with the upholstery. Just five minutes after we got going, you guessed it… that bloody woman’s squirting her minge jizz everywhere!”
“Piers was beside himself, screaming: ‘Theresa May’s got her Hairy Mary out in the back of my Mondeo.’
“I opened the car and yelled: ‘Oi! May! Get out of there you filthy pervert! You’re banned from this Boot Sale, you Tory tosspot!
“She took to her heels (£259.99 H&M) and fled. Next day I rang Tory Central Office to complain about their leader and demand the cost of a can of stain remover to put things right.”
Sick
“They denied knowing anything about it. That makes me sick. It’s no wonder people don’t trust politicians when they go round wanking in other people’s estate cars and then just deny responsibility.
“To my dying day, I’ll maintain that it was Theresa May who fingered her minge in my Mondeo. It stands to reason. Just look at her austerity agenda. That’s a load of wank too!
A May supporter said last night: “This story is being put about by the alternative media in an effort to discredit our leader and destroy her image.”
The Tory junta’s openly secret plot is to carry on with the annihilation of public services and the privatisation of the Welfare State, of course.
We’re not all frigging stupid!
 

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